Football is really not that good. All it is, in sum total, is prancing muppets with no manners or class on the pitch, shouted at by idiots in stands with nothing better to do than make life difficult for normal people for three hours or more, either side of kick-off and full-time.
This is a fact. Backing it up are Emily Dicks twitter.com/emilydust , a DJ who grew up in the shadow of Highbury Stadium where the smell of horse refuse and alcohol-ridden breath made life utterly unbearable five times a month.
And Mark Debono, twitter.com/markbiwwa a gent so seemingly visceral in his hatred of the game here:
that we thought he really needed some airtime to get it off his chest.
Of course, it turns out our guests might not be as spiteful as we first thought…